Thoughts on a pregnant giraffe

By Cliff McCollum
Posted 3/10/17

Folks, can we talk?

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m just about sick of seeing constant posts on social media and all over the internet about that damn pregnant giraffe.

April the …

This item is available in full to subscribers.

Subscribe to continue reading. Already a subscriber? Sign in

Get the gift of local news. All subscriptions 50% off for a limited time!

You can cancel anytime.
 

Please log in to continue

Log in

Thoughts on a pregnant giraffe

Posted

Folks, can we talk?

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m just about sick of seeing constant posts on social media and all over the internet about that damn pregnant giraffe.

April the Giraffe, a resident of the Animal Adventure Park in New York, has been blasted on every news page from here to Djibouti, Djibouti, as thousands of people watch a webcam of a somewhat bloated looking giraffe seem to just walk to and fro.

For what feels like several months, that’s been all it has been - just a giraffe walking back and forth.

Why is this news? Why should we care?

Answers: it isn’t and we shouldn’t.

Honestly, it feels like this whole thing is just some sort of psychological experiment being played out on us. How long will the populace continue to put up with and watch a story in which nothing ever actually happens?

While the animal park has turned the attention into a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for the giraffes’ care, this shouldn’t continue to be something that merits daily updates unless something has actually occurred.

So, local news stations that shall remain nameless, only break in with coverage if the following scenarios occur.

A. April the Giraffe actually has the baby.

B. It is revealed the animal park formulated this as a hoax to raise money off of people’s sympathy. That sort of thing should be fully exposed and looked into, if it occurred.

C. Jack Hanna comes to deliver the giraffe baby with his own two hands.

D. April appears to give birth, but comedian Andy Kaufman comes out instead. He hasn’t actually been dead since 1984 and this was the perfect way for him to reveal his massive hoax to the world.

Those four reasons, news stations. Only those four.

If it’s just more giraffe walking around videos, we’re going to have words.