Working here at a newspaper, I constantly find my email being bombarded with a variety of useless information, especially products or services that are a) nowhere near our coverage area or b) nonsensical gibberish that isn’t relevant to me or our readers.

Few of you would believe the barrage of products we get pitched to our emails every week, but one I received several times over the last few weeks was enough to earn pointing out.

Bob Lott, the developer of an app called Chat Lights, has spammed me relentlessly recently to try to bring you, my dear readers, the information you vitally “need” about his new dating app — one that appears to essentially be some version of a hookup stoplight.

People are asked to pay $5.99 to download the app onto their phone for a chance to use “a dating universal language that makes dating fun and exciting.”

In his statistics about why an app like this is needed, Lott said “60 percent of women are frustrated with their spouse,” so apparently this is an app that condones extramarital affairs. Very family friendly stuff you’ve made there, Bob.

Users can use a variety of three indicator lights to try to woo potential suitors to them. From the press release:

“A flashing green light means that I’m interested … or I’m attracted to you and I would like to get to know you.”

As hard up as some of my single friends are, I don’t think any of them would want to use a traffic signal as a means of trying to show the opposite sex their interest.

“A flashing blue light means that I’m undecided and need to know more about you.”

Namely, why on earth is your phone flashing colored lights at me and why would you think this is an acceptable way to meet people?

“A flashing red light means no, I’m not interested. If this encounter doesn’t work, then go to the next person you want to meet. Keep trying until you succeed.”

Yes, by all means, keep going up to random people and flashing a green light at them. Your evening will likely end one of two ways: no light as you lie unconscious on the floor after someone has knocked you out for being a weirdo flashing lights at others or flashing blue lights as the police escort you away for being a creepy stalker.

Since I’m in my late 20s, I am a part of the generation that made dating apps a very lucrative market for developers, but even I think this particular app is a major step in a horribly wrong direction.

Are we so far gone as a society that we can’t even just meet people and try to talk, instead of using a lantern-lighting method we haven’t seen since Paul Revere?

So, in closing, I speak directly to the app developer, the aforementioned Bob Lott.

Mr. Lott, a piece about your app has run in my newspaper.

Please, for the love of all that is holy and good, stop sending me your blasted emails.

Cliff McCollum is managing editor of Gulf Coast Media. He can be reached (unless you are Bob Lott) at cliff@gulfcoastmedia.com.