Typing up the arrest reports from the Baldwin County Sheriff’s Office every week gives you an interesting perspective on this wonderful county of ours.

You’re left befuddled by the number of people who get arrested for “promoting prison contraband,” as well as left wondering how these folks are attempting to smuggle the drugs and other items they’ve been arrested for.

Discussions about what constitutes “third degree escape” often abound, though our Administrative Czar Curt says it’s a local funk/reggae band.

This week, however, marks the first time in at least a month that someone with the name Dewayne or Duwayne has not been arrested.

First name or middle name, “E” spelling or “U” spelling – all show up in the jail rosters. If your signature contains some form of that particular name, you might want to be wary of breaking the law in Baldwin County.

To have Dewaynes and Duwaynes get jailed for various offenses for a week or maybe two would just seem to be coincidence, but to go a solid month seeing that name up and down the sheriff’s website gives a person pause.

Is there something about the name itself that dooms those who carry it to lead a life of crime?

Research would suggest not, as the origins of the name itself come from the Gaelic name Dubhan, a Welsh monk who established an abbey in Ireland some time in the 5^th century.

Does the spelling matter? Are Dewaynes more likely to be locked up than Duwaynes?

Again, not really. There seems to be an equal distribution of Es and Us, according to statistics from the McCollum Research Institute.

To truly delve into this pressing issue, perhaps anecdotal evidence might serve us best, so yours truly took the liberty of calling a Duwayne from back home up in Lee County.

After explaining the situation to him at length, Duwayne pondered the matter and responded thusly:

“Duwaynes are just too awesome for this world. People can’t handle us just being us.”

Maybe so, Duwayne. Maybe so…

Cliff McCollum is managing editor of Gulf Coast Media. He can be reached at cliff@gulfcoastmedia.com.